the day of my divorce

alex thought it would be just the occasion to discuss hamlet
i bought my sister two pairs of shoes
nick thinks i should wear more color
i think he’s into me
paul bet on the right horse and won 200 euros
mr c had one fried egg for lunch
my boyfriend agreed on buying me that pair of silver boots
a random lady gave me a rose bouquet
my mom thinks your wife’s a total cocksucking bitch
that sums it up, i think

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girls say things.

she says i shouldn’t be talking to you
you never meant what you said
such a waste of my time

my therapist thinks otherwise
it’s alright
she says
one day i will make up my mind
and see for myself, and get over it
fine

[she says you’re a trustworthy man,
too bad you couldn’t find happiness
wherever it was you were looking for it

i wouldn’t know, i wasn’t made for this thing]

she says you wouldn’t speak up
if your life was depended on it
and were i to die you’d be happier
like a lift of your burden

some guy sent me a song on my email and i hummed myself to sleep last night.
i said thanks, let’s be friends.

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talk

i remember that day
you were at work, i guess, or with someone, somewhere
doing something undeniably important
and i
lonely as ever,
empty and shallow and useless and bored

i did what i still enjoy doing most:
i filled the void

or at least i thought i did,

they were soft, and fluffy and round

a substitute for the pet i wouldn’t let you have.

forgive me, i was just the epitome of uptight,
so young, still not bold.

at all.

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special persons

outside the hotel earlier tonight
you asked
whether i mean what i say
-m, you’re too cruel, you can’t be that cruel
no one is

well, i am not like you, all nice and calm and ever smiling

and what if there’s really nothing nice to remember

no long walks on the beach, no candy floss, no dancing with me, no paying my bills
dare i ask for anything
i never did
you didn’t either
because you thought you’d never get your way, no matter what
so i never did,

i just lay on my bed and i think about what might have been
who you could have been
have you had it different.

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wtf

what.the.fuck.
why.
how.why.
what.
the.
fuck.

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